Likeability
I was twenty-seven, leading 6 Area Supervisors and the Managers of thirty-two restaurants in Florida.
Mr. L. had just joined our company. Senior Management position and a Board Seat.
For decades he had led an enormous division of an international company most people would recognize immediately.
I got the chance to spend some time with him as he learned about our company. During our conversation I asked him why he left such a prestigious position with a legendary company.
“I left because my boss was a prick.”
That was it. No hesitation. No pause before answering. No elaboration.
A man who, for decades, had run a major piece of a global company, and the whole explanation fit in eight words.
Ironically, years after that conversation, I left that same company myself. There are a handful of reasons I left, the biggest being that I didn’t like working for my boss.
Here’s what I’ve come to believe: people don’t work for companies. They work for people.
The name on the building and the name on the paycheck matter a lot less than the person they report to every morning.
You can have the best brand in the industry and still bleed talent out the back door if the person running the room makes life miserable.
Mr. L.’s boss may have been brilliant. Didn’t matter. He lost a division head over it anyway.
And here’s the part I’ll admit plainly: I rose higher and did better in this business, not because I was the smartest guy in the room. I usually wasn’t.
I did better because I was likeable — because I made the work more enjoyable for the people doing it alongside me.
Because I tried hard not to be a prick.
Competence got me in the room. What separated me from my competition was that most people wanted to be around me.
Likeability sounds soft when you say it that way, like a personality trait you’re born with or you’re not.
It isn’t. It’s a skill. It’s choosing, every day, to make work better for the people around you.
Nobody teaches that in business school. I learned it working with my co-workers in restaurants long before I learned anything about Profit & Loss statements.
If you ever find yourself leading people, remember this:
Your title earns compliance. Your character earns commitment.
People will work harder for someone they respect. They will stay longer for someone they trust. And they’ll give their very best to someone who genuinely cares about them.
One thing I’ve observed repeatedly: people confuse being liked with being soft.
The best bosses I’ve known weren’t pushovers. They had high standards. They expected excellence. They held people accountable.
But people knew three things: they were fair, they cared, and they could be trusted.
Trust is the other half of it. It’s not the same as being likeable. You can be well-liked and still lose people if they don’t believe you’ve got their back.
The people who succeed most have both — people like being around them, and people believe them.
I’ve known leaders who were brilliant but unlikable. People obeyed them but didn’t enjoy working for them. They couldn’t wait to leave.
I’ve also known people everyone liked, but no one trusted to make difficult decisions.
The leaders people remember had both.
One of the greatest compliments anyone can receive isn’t “He’s brilliant.” It’s “I’d love to work with him again.” Or, “I’d follow her anywhere.”
Never underestimate the value of being someone others genuinely enjoy being around. It may become one of your greatest competitive advantages.
I think about Mr. L. more than I probably should for an eight-word answer given to a question asked forty-some years ago. But I’ve watched it play out on both sides since then — as the guy who walked, and later as the guy people were deciding whether to walk on.
People will forgive many things. They will not forgive a bad boss for long.
Leah, Jack & Adam — one more thing, for you.
If the impression this message leaves is that everyone liked me, that impression is wrong. I have been disliked by many.
And in my next Random Thought, I’ll share why I’m proud and pleased to be disliked by some.